It has been almost over a year since I last blogged on here (it almost looks like two if you solely look at the years).
For those of you who may not know, I have been blogging since '07 if I am not mistaken. First blog was a masterpiece, but out of my own stupidity... it disappeared along with my "almost" famous youtube account. I regret it, but I try not to let it bother me. After all, I am trying to create new beginnings.
I have kind of realized that my life is a vicious cycle. Of course, not necessarily each event repeats just as the last, but all in all, its almost the same fundamental story.
For the past 21 years of my life, its been a story of loving and losing. For 4 brief years I convinced myself that I would never have suffer through that terrible game ever again, but in a blink of an eye I am back to where I started.
It seems so fresh yet familiar asking myself the same questions such as "How do I date?" "Why does being single seem so awful to me?" and most importantly, "What did I fuck up this time?"
Even though in my last blog you can catch me complaining about my relationship, (and although the current love-related situation I am in is worse) it doesn't mean that I regret writing that blog.
At the time, I was suffering and all of my feelings were 100% real, but some things have changed since then:
1. School is slightly more lax.
2. Family conditions have gotten better.
3. I have other things to bitch about now.
As of now, I have to admit that I am lost. I am not really sure what to do anymore. I am not saying this to sound pitiful or pathetic, but only because it is the truth. Right now I am simply going through the motions of my daily life. I want to tell myself that I have a direction, but God and I know I clearly don't. In all honesty, for the first time in my life, I feel like I legitimately don't know what I want. Maybe not wanting is the key for now, because I feel like the more I want something, the further away it seems.
