Welcome Back

It has been almost over a year since I last blogged on here (it almost looks like two if you solely look at the years).

For those of you who may not know, I have been blogging since '07 if I am not mistaken. First blog was a masterpiece, but out of my own stupidity... it disappeared along with my "almost" famous youtube account. I regret it, but I try not to let it bother me. After all, I am trying to create new beginnings.

I have kind of realized that my life is a vicious cycle. Of course, not necessarily each event repeats just as the last, but all in all, its almost the same fundamental story.

For the past 21 years of my life, its been a story of loving and losing. For 4 brief years I convinced myself that I would never have suffer through that terrible game ever again, but in a blink of an eye I am back to where I started.

It seems so fresh yet familiar asking myself the same questions such as "How do I date?" "Why does being single seem so awful to me?" and most importantly, "What did I fuck up this time?"

Even though in my last blog you can catch me complaining about my relationship, (and although the current love-related situation  I am in is worse) it doesn't mean that I regret writing that blog.
At the time, I was suffering and all of my feelings were 100% real, but some things have changed since then:

1. School is slightly more lax.
2. Family conditions have gotten better.
3. I have other things to bitch about now.

As of now, I have to admit that I am lost. I am not really sure what to do anymore. I am not saying this to sound pitiful or pathetic, but only because it is the truth. Right now I am simply going through the motions of my daily life. I want to tell myself that I have a direction, but God and I know I clearly don't. In all honesty, for the first time in my life, I feel like I legitimately don't know what I want. Maybe not wanting is the key for now, because I feel like the more I want something, the further away it seems.

Forreal Doe

FUCK.
Midterms week..again?!
I feel like that shit was a week ago.
I am just full of stress, like usual. But this time I need to do something about it.

It is for sure, I am tired of long distance.
I absolutely hate it, and people were right, this shit is impossible.

I'm tired of not being able to feel like a normal teenager with a normal relationship with a normal college life.
I'm tired of getting stressed out by someone Else's family, and I am tired of not being able to start my career or pursue a job.

They say it's easy, just break up, leave the person you are madly in love with and move on.
As easy as that may seem, it is stupid.

The funny thing is that my current relationship and the person I am with is AWESOME.
Everything I could ever want and more!

The only thing fucking me over is the distance...
Why would I want to toss a perfectly good significant other away?

And on the other hand, people say.. why don't you just go on and do your own shit?
Hell, as much as I want to, being in such a unstable relationship (once again, distance wise) ruins that.

It's mentally hassling to pursue my own shit when that means I will never have time for my relationship.

So this weekend, I am laying it all on the table.
Do or die time.

Shit is getting real, even more real. And if a change is NOT bound to happen...SOON.

I'm going to HAVE to end it.

Praise the Lord

Even though I feel miserably awkward in the situation I am in. I still try to find things to be positive about. It makes me feel better knowing that the awkward tension of being around people that I don't like and don't like me will come to an end somewhat soon. Only one more day, then i'll have one less thing to worry about.

Intros and Hoes

So yes, I felt compelled to make to back to back blogs in one day.


OKAY.
I'm pretty damn frustrated as fuck. I don't really like what is going on right now. I feel like I am praying for shit that won't happen. Some major wishful thinking. It's like that one episode of family guy where Stewie and Brian end up in a parallel universe where its full of misleading portraits.

As for now my hate only goes out to one person. Lets keep that shit confidential just in case I make this public.

I legit hate this person.
My life gets so bland sometimes I feel like I live to see this person fail.
I hate everything they do and about 99% percent of the things they stand for.
Even if they have good morality or good intentions, I only pretend to appreciate that shit.
In all reality I seriously don't give a fuck.
I have dreams where I kill this son of a bitch.

Hell, my hate goes out so far to this person that if the murder penalty was just slap on the wrist, I killed this fucker years ago. Then again, I'm sure many people would take advantage of this also and then millions would be dead, so of course I don't wish for that.

I'm not insane enough to actually go out and harm this bitch, but sometimes I wish I was. Plus, I could just claim myself into the looney bin and get away with all of that bullshit right? hah. Fucking judicial system nowadays.

Well anyway. Blogspot or blogger... whatever the fuck you are called now.
It is good to be back, and frankly you are probably what is going to keep me sane.

To any depressed or people with issues out there.
Even if you end up writing letters or blogging to yourself, this crap helps a lot.

& to the person that I hate oh so much. I know for certain you will never read this blog. So fuck you, you're making my life suck and you don't even know it. Due to the awkward karma I believe in, I don't hope you die. However, I hope karma works against you and takes that ignorance of yours and shoves it up your ass. Hopefully if all goes right, I won't need to see your bitch face anymore and I hope your streak of good luck comes to a vicious and abrupt end.

Peace out motherfucker.

Attempting to Replace What's Been Lost

So my old blogspot was deleted by accident. At first I was devastated, but then after a while I figured who needs a fucking blog anyway. Soon after that I tried "tumbling". I hated that shit. It's not a blog to me, it's another 9gag. Which is fine I guess, but not for me. So whoever the fuck I end up inviting to view this blog, I don't really know what to tell you. The best way to put it is this is where I'm going to keep my dirty laundry. No clever pun intended. Skeletons are welcome in this closet.